Let Me Say Good-Bye

I didn't realize that being 26, would still mean I am in High School. Don't worry I wasn't held back by 8 years. I promise.

But I referring to the emotional immaturity of the guy I just broke up with, well I actually broke up with his voice mail, which was a much more satisfying relationship then the one I was actually having with P.T ( Personal Trainer). Do I hear groans in the audience??? P.T and I went to HS together and briefly (like two dates) back 7 yeas ago. A freak chance made me run into his profile on friendship ( MySpace's red headed step child), and since I am always up for a good laugh, so I e-mailed him. I truly thought I wouldn't hear from him and that was it. What I didn't expect was this epic e-mail going on about how happy he was to hear from me, he apologized for being a moron before and would love to get together with me for coffee if I was up for it. Shock was the initial reaction and of course curiosity was close on its heels.

Needless to say coffee bloomed in to a quasi-relationship. I say quasi because we never saw each other. In the beginning, it was cool, I fit everything in to my life. I saw family, friends and P.T.. Life was good...... but things changed quickly. Whenever I found opportunities for him to meet my friends, something would always come up. He was ALWAYS busy, but of course he " missed me", but as time passed, him "missing me" wasn't enough. Do something about it for GOD'S SAKE. Also another very annoying tidbit, P.T. loved text messaging. He would not have verbal conversations, like the rest of the world. He wanted to text message everything. Can you imagine how aggravating it was to attempt to have a serious conversation via tiny little messages!!!!

So almost three weeks ago P.T. got sick and apparently when he gets sick he forgets all manners and the fact that he was dating someone. So the sweater unravels. I tried to be understanding at first, but about 1.5 weeks into it I had started thinking that maybe this wasn't it for me. I started to think about what I was going to say, how to be the bigger person and untangle myself graciously. I had it all planned out, all set and ready to go. The only other ingredient, P.T.. Its really hard to leave someone who won't call you back or talk to you at all. So I did what I had to, I broke up with his voicemail. I used I statements as to not offend the voicemail, seeing as it had always been there for me, it was reliable. And it went a little something like this: Hi P.T., its Liz ( in case he had forgotten who I was) Its obvious to me that this thing between us isn't working, so good luck and good bye. Sorry to have to leave you a message like this but I had no other choice seeing as we never talk or see each other, so good bye.

It isn't satisfying at all to break up with a voicemail. A little part of me wanted him to try, even a little to explain, make excuses, God, something. Anything at all. I wanted to know what happened, but don't we all when we break up with someone.

You see, he pursued me like no other man had. And I dug my heels in and resisted and resisted. I am a little bit of a jaded girl, I have a thing for emotionally unavailable men. So when P.T. came around and he was quite the charmer I resisted in true survivorist fashion, but even I am not that good. I succumbed to his charm. And when we were together it was GREAT!!!! But us being together was as often as getting together with the extended family for family holidays. The questions I have in my head will never be answered. Was I a conquest? And, what the *%$( happened?!?! But isn't the latter question a common one.


I am sorry for the randomness of this blog, but I can only say that it is how my mind feels right now. Lost, In the Dark, and a twinge of self doubt.