Friday, May 19, 2006

Cloudy With a Chance of Feeling Sorry For Myself

My melancholy rolled in on the clouds that now cover the sky. The gray suits me perfectly. I can’t put my finger on the source of my melancholy. But I think it has to do with the fact that I feel like I am in a rut, one well traveled with no variation. I have a routine that I stick with and it is the problem, gym, work, home, bed, gym, work home bed. It is pounding inside my head, my own personal mantra. I am to blame though. In an effort to save for my vacation and in general I have made sacrifices. Little did I think I would sacrifice my state of mind.

Do you ever think that things were going to be different? That you aren’t where you thought you would be? I know I think about that in a vague way. I don’t think so much that I would be married by now and have kids, but I thought I would at least be dating someone. I went from dating quite frequently to not at all. I had made a conscious decision to take a hiatus, but truthfully I didn’t think that I wouldn’t be asked out during my hiatus. That’s a blow for the self esteem, you take yourself off the market only to find out that there really wasn’t a market for you. While everyone around you is in thriving relationships, you aren’t even getting a first date.

A large part is choice though. I could have settled for something I didn’t want. But that isn’t me – I can’t lie or be happy with mediocre. So I wait in my rut, going around and around. Jumping up every now and then to see what I am missing.


At 11:24 AM, Blogger Michele said...

I am sorry you are feeling meloncholy. I am sure it isn't much comfort, but everyone goes through these phases.

At 5:42 AM, Blogger Retro Girl said...

Maybe try something different...go to the gym at a different time...or instead of going to the gym take a 2-3 mile walk/run maybe 1 or 2 days a week now and then..Small differences sometimes pay off big :-)

As far as being single, and wondering about prospects, etc.---at least you know what you don't want--that's half the battle. Never settle. If there are any doubts or something just isn't right--move on. Guys are like busses---another will be along in 10 minutes :-) The power of choice is wonderful!

At 2:47 PM, Blogger Liz said...

Retro Girl- Thank you for the suggestions, those are great ideas. And I agree about not settling, that is something I am happy that I haven't done.


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