You Are Always On My Mind

I am sure that there is one person in your past that you had a romantic involvement with, that creeps back in to your mind every now and then. Despite your current situation. Well mine creeps back more than I would like. He was the first guy ever (and I mean ever) that I thought was the best match for me. And he seemed to reciperocate these thoughts and feelings. Now you all know the story, I've written about it before. We were inseparable and then I had to go away for business and came back to him having found someone else. I am a strong woman most days, but today (and there have been others) I find myself missing him terribly. I catch myself wondering if I will ever find another, not necessarily like him, but someone I will consider a match. I also have this bad habit. He has a page on MySpace and I can from time to time be caught peeking at it. Momentary weakness. I wonder what could the other girl possibly have that made him walk away. Something that I was obviously lacking. Now I am not attacking myself for the "lacking" comment. We have all had that happen. You and a guy are dating, he thinks you are great, perfect even. But its not all there for you. Its ok, you can't make yourself feel something you don't. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't make you wonder. Wonder what you lacked and if you will ever find it again.

So there is my dirty little secret. My heart is still back with him, wanting him to wake up and realize what he walked away from. And me, knowing it won't ever happen, but not capable of letting it go quite yet. After all, this was the first time I had ever felt this way.