Seriously......

Well the Amazing Liz has done it again.....I have managed to find and fall for a guy. Everything goes wonderful, especially in the case. After P.T. and I were thru I decided to e-mail this guy that I sort of blew off when P.T and I first started dating. The fact that he agreed, I was shocked. We immediately hit it off. But thats not this is about. Its is about a guy completely disability to end things in a normal manner. Now P.T and B aren't the only ones that I have encountered this problem with. But having them back to back has managed to put me in a throughly bad mood. The way things ended with P.T., I wasn't shocked. It think I forsaw it the entire time. Only because of the past we already have. But with B, it was entirely different. Instead of the random text messages and infrequent vists, B and I saw each other a couple of times a week. We always had fun, laughing, talking, everything. I vowed to do things differently then I had with P.T.. I was going to let things go with the flow and let things happen naturally. And everything was going ok, with only mild attacks of The Crazy. I even saw him the day before I left for a business trip. The usual I will call you when I get back sort of thing. We evenexchanged an e-mail as well. So Friday rolls around and I leave a message for B. Its now sunday evening and I have heard nothing.

Now maybe I will hear from him soon, when he has free time, but based on what I know from before I left. I feel this is a little out of character and am preparing myself for the envitable. This segues to my question or gripe, depending on how you look at it. I guess I am annoyed and borerline infuriated. Why can't he call it off, if thats the route he wants to take, why stop calling all of a sudden? Even an impersonal e-mail. But to leave me hanging? Come on.... I feel bad enough racking my brain for a reason that a four day business trip makes him completely forget about me. And on a another note... this happening repeatly ( yes, anything more than one is a repeat) is getting to me. I start to question my ability to even be able to pick men to date. Being a girl to we immediately question what is wrong with us. And I can't say I haven't thought about it.

I have always felt with every guy that I dated, that if left alone for long enough, I would be forgotten. I have never felt entirely secure with any guy. Pyscho-analyze if you want, I am sure there is a reason for this insecurity. I try and suck it up and not let the new guy suffer thru mistakes or actions that someone else caused. But my friends know the truth and bear with me while The Crazy takes hold. I try to come up with a logical reason to why it happens over and over again. The only thing I come up with... it just wasn't the right one. What else can I do. I already drive myself to tension headaches and an upset stomach. But if it isn't right, it isn't right and no amount of worrying will change that. It hard to come to terms with. Feeling like you'll never find the right one. With everyone around you either in a relationship or walking down the aisle. It makes you feel this invisible pressure, that something is missing. I know I have wonderful supportive friends and they are the world to me. But after rejection # 2, really feeling down in the dumps. I am sure my readers (all 3 of you) will find this quite depressing and Tiff and Michele, I know you will want to make me feel better. And I truly appreciate you. But its just a phase and will hopefully pass soon.