Thursday, March 30, 2006

The 80's

Tiff's birthday is coming up and we are throwing her an 80's party. I really can't wait!!!! I will be in hysterics most the night seeing what people are wearing. I have been looking on line for inspiration for my outfit but it usually ends up with me giggling and thinking that I would never wear that.

I can't wait to post the pictures from the party.

It has been decided...

While having a relaxing glass of wine with Michele and Tiff last night, I regaled them with the story about the e-mail from PT(see below). This of course launched a discussion about my less than stellar taste in men. My dating history belongs in the Worst Hall of Fame. My friends have even gone as far as to ban me from choosing men to date. They are my own panel of approval. Or disapproval. It makes me laugh because I can't argue with them, they are right. Though Tiff has taken herself off the approval list after one attempt at match making. Had potential but lacked follow thru. We decided that every man I dated should have Moron attached to their name. PT Moron, B Moron, Stripper Moron.... you get the idea.

I think its a matter of reprogramming my brain. Looking beyond the usual triggers, meat head football player, to be exact. There are a few requirements that the guy must have:

1) Sense of Humor

2) Compassion

3) Good Job

4) Confidence ( this is usually where I screw up, I go for overly confident men)

5) Independence

I don't think this is a tall order. Notice I didn't say drop dead gorgeous- Attractiveness is different things to different people. And the qualities above make or break a person level of attractiveness. This experiement should be interesting.

It makes me laugh too, because if you ever hear a guy list what they are looking for and you silently tick off the qualities that you think you meet. You think hey, I am those things, why aren't you interested in me? There are always exceptions to those items. I do it too. Some guy can meet the criteria and I still don't think they are the right one. But like I said its time to change that with the help of my Panelof Approval (aka. my friends).

Blast from the Past

You know when things end with a guy, you don't really think you will ever hear from them again. Well remember PT, the man that I dated and had more of a relationship with his voicemail than him. An e-mail pops in to my inbox earlier this week and here is what it said :

Lizzie, I still dont know what happened. I thought
this was our time. I think we both over reacted.
I really liked hanging out with you and dating
you. You are great person, great kisser :), fun
and had your shit together but when I got sick for
that week or so it was like you didn't cut me any
slack, eventhough I did still text you. Nevermind
I am not hear to point the finger etc. I will be
in town in several weeks so let me know what you
think. I know you still probably hate me you hate me enough you wont let me go
down on you again? :) hahaha You know you liked it
and so did I so what do you say? Let me know.

I was shocked that after 6 months of not hearing from him, even when I broke up with his voicemail, this is what I get. First off, are you serious? I can't believe he thought is was appropriate to send this or that he thought he even had a chance. I was torn on how to respond to this e-mail. Do start by tell him that our problems began well before he was sick. Then list the charges against him. I really didn't want to start a fight with him or even acknowledge that he had hurt me or that I spent any time worrying over it. Maybe being sarcastic exclaiming that is wasn't very memorable in the first place to warrant a repeat performance. I settled on thanking him for his offer but no thanks. Shocking I haven't heard from him since. I am sure his fragile ego is bruised. I can't get over the fact that he thinks that after all that I would still entertain the idea of messing around with him. I am not hard up for male attention sweetheart, you aren't doing me a favor. You are only making yourself look like a complete ass. Your voicemail is more of a man that you are!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Anyone There?

Do you ever get that feeling of complete disconnect? Like you have no idea what is going in the world and with your friends…..Well after being sick for the last week, this feeling of complete disconnect has got me in a little bit of a frenzy. It turns out I was a lot of more sick than I had originally thought. What started as a head cold turned in to the full blown flu by Saturday and now I am stuck with a lingering cough that you know will be with me for the next few weeks. I missed everything I had planned for the week and the weekend. Which of course annoys me to no end. I haven’t seen my friends for almost a full week and damn it I miss them. So I plan to torture BestFriend Tiff with my presence this weekend because the idea of spending another night home alone is enough to drive me to drink. Ok drink more than usual, why lie.

Thursday, March 23, 2006


* I am stealing this idea from Tiff seeing as my brain is incapable of completing a whole entry.
* I am sick. I tried to convince myself that I was sore from a good work out. However the congestion in my lungs, I am sure isn't from the chest press.
* Even though I am sick, I am at work. Yes, I am crazy but you should know that by now. I am in that sick but not sick enough to stay home phase. And I get bored really quickly at home, so I came to work to infect others. Seeing as work is where I most likely got sick. Just sharing the love.
* For the first time since I have had my cat, he actually was sympathetic towards his ill mommy last night. Instead of his usual cold shoulder, he curled up on my tummy while I was lounging on the couch watching TIVO.
* To add insult to injury, I also had mild food posioning last night. So I ache all over, am coughing like a 90 year old smoker, and running to the bathroom every 20 minutes. My life is gooooddddd!!
* Tiff and I have been talking about the inhuman killing methods of the meat we eat. I am starting to pondering being a vegetarian again. (Yes, I said again. I was a vegetarian for about 9 months when I was 22, sadly I really like chicken).
* Before I felt sick, Michele and I were at the gym yesterday morning on the stair climber. Not the little pedally thingy, but actual rotating stairs. I will now and forever refer to them as the stairs of torture. I walk up stairs to work and they aren't nearly as bad as the Stairs of Torture.
* Tomorrow night, come hell or high water, I am seeing Bob Saget at the Improv. Yes, Full House dad has a wickedly dirty sense of humor and I can't wait to see him.
* My boss teased me this morning for wearing jeans to work with stiletto heels. I am sick so I opted for jeans, however I felt guilty for wearing jeans so I tried to dress them up. Yes I realize that its a little stupid, but in my defense, I am sick. So zip it.
* In an effort to change my ways (i.e. I can be a little messy at home) I have made a effort to clean up as I go, instead of just leaving it for the weekend. So night before last I ironed (which I hate) and did dishes. After completeing these tasks I almost cried about the pitfulness of my life.
* Pitifulness of life is blamed upon going to a seminar last week and trying to lead a more frugal life. Frugal= boring, in case you didn't know. I think I will take up knitting again, just to occupy my hands from shopping online.
* I discovered last week, I do not like Mole (no not the animal, the Mexican dish), after of course making Mole for my dad, discovering it has nuts in it, which my dad is allerigc to, saving for another meal on another night. Prepared the meal, dipped finger in Mole sauce and immediately chucking entire dish in sink.
* Did I mention I was sick and therefore this post is lame. Sorry Folks, I promise that I will try harder :)

Monday, March 20, 2006

Survival of the Cutest

My boss always forwards me the newest pics of my nephews, who have by now forgotten who I am seeing as I have failed to see them in about 3 weeks. Yes I feel gulity and am seeing them tonight. But I digress.....

A client stopped by for a visit and joked that its a good thing babies are cute, because if they weren't......Therefore you have Survival of the Cutest. And I giggled at the thought, Survival of the Cutest, psshh. But I hate to say it but its true. If children weren't cute we would be alot less tolerable of them. So thankfully babies are cute and yes this is a shameless plug to show you photos of my nephews again. I bet you wish I had something else to talk about huh?

Sunday, March 19, 2006

You'll Never Guess...

You will never guess what happened to me last night.......... You go out with the girls, get dolled up, celebrate St. Patty's Day in all of its glory. See don't we look great.....

Well apparently someone thought so enough to grab my nipple. Yes people you heard it here first! I was standing at the bar and a woman, yes a woman, grabbed my nipple because ( drum roll please) she said they look grabable. Can I tell you how f---ing shocked I was. Seriously when did it become socially acceptable to grab someone's nipple? And a stranger at that? Is it the new handshake and I missed the memo? Should I make sure I wear my nice tops for the nipple shake? I spent the night hiding from the infamous nipple grabber. My friends chuckle at me because I really was mildly offended that someone did that. It must have been the lack of alcohol because seriously not entertained.

Friday, March 17, 2006

An Office Full of Women

What do you get when the population of your office is predominantly women?? Alot of questions and unsolicited advice about dating. My first day back from vacation (blog on vacation to follow) I was cornered in the women's bathroom by a co-worker who wanted to know why I wasn't on When I answered that I was on a dating hiatus and just wasn't really interested in dating at the moment, the look of horror on her face said to me, I should have lied. The co-worker informed me that was the place to be, the elite of dating websites. Now I am not against online dating, I have heard of great success stories. Then there are my stories from my adventures of online dating. So needless to say, I avoid online dating for the time being. And for the record I can exist without dating, people have survived from doing this before.

I was pretty annoyed about this intrusion into my life ( stupid me for saying anything remotely resemling the truth). However, in hindsight I understand why. She thinks I am a catch and that I deserve a nice guy ( glad we agree on that one). And how am I ever going to meet said nice guy, if I don't kiss all the frogs in between. But its ok to take a break (in my mind) my self esteem can only handle so many frogs.

Warning Girl Talk Ahead!!!

Ok with that being said ( and if you chose to read further its at your own risk)I have my period and the worst ( I mean like debilitating ) cramps of my life. I had a cute St. Patty Day's suit all picked out for work this morning. Only to laugh bitterly while I tugged my jeans on and bet anyone to try and pinch me. What lead to these demon cramps. I thought it would be funny ( I am kidding). I went off my Birth control pills to see if they were causing me to gain weight. I had reached a point that I was willing to take all necessary measure to get my weight down. Nevermind that in the process of said adventure sent my system in to a spiral that 6 weeks later has finally returned to some semblance of normalcy. And that normalcy I prayed for came with demon cramps. Seriously I felt like I was going to split in two. But there is a happy end to this story.... Seeing as I can be a wimp about pain ( especially cramps) I went to the locate Walgreens to get one of thoseinstant heat pad things just for women and our time of the month ( or our time of every 6 weeks). Can I tell you I am in love with them. They have eased the cramps ( that and 4 Midol) and I am all snuggly warm too. There is only one down side, months ago I found a cure for my insomnia in the shape of a heating pad on my stomach. It beat any pill I was taking for precious sleep. So you are all smart, put two and two togther and what do you get, no cramps and very very sleepy. I just can't win

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Didn't Your Mother Tell You....

I am the queen of being able to get things I want to take home to the car. Do they make it out of the car?? Eventually they do but time does pass. One particular item was a bottle of ketchup from Guatemala (yes I collect ketchup from around the world and no this isn't a normal hobby)that my boss (she is my supplier) brought me back from a her recent trip. While two of the other gifts made it in to my house, one didn't, the ketchup bottle. This ketchup bottle has been in my car about 3 weeks in the cup holder and my boss teased me about leaving it there. I claimed jokingly that it was a conversation starter, gotta love my quirks. Not more than 30 minutes later a co-worker in my office comes by to visit and he asked, " Why do you have a ketchup bottle in your car?". My boss and I start laughing, I didn't realize that it would become a conversation piece so quickly. I told him thru my laughter what it was. While he raised his eyes, clearly hinting that he thought I was a weirdo, he accepted my answer. The conversation was over or so I thought. At a work cocktail party this particular coworker came over to me again to bring up the ketchup bottle. He informs me what his opinion of a ketchup bottle in a girls car signifies.....that she is an eater. You heard me. His initial reaction to seeing the ketchup bottle in my car was that I like to eat. Now don't get me wrong I love food, the smell, tastes, textures...but the connotation I took from this conversation was a negative one. Like I was that chubby girl ( i.e. fat ) that couldn't help but eat. I was actually offended by this, but what was I to do other than respond with, " Well no, it was a gift.". How else do you respond in a room full of your co workers. As you can tell I am still annoyed by this encounter. I can't understand why he thought that a comment like that would be well received. I like a lot of women have issues with my weight and am very self conscious. I fight with my weight and always seem to take two steps forward and one step back. So a comment like that effects me. I mean what makes that comment ok. Think before you can save you from tasting your foot one to many times.