Can't Catch a Break

Yesterday was a complete fiasco, a comedy of errors if you will. It started with me over sleeping after getting home from Shasta at 11pm and missing a meeting with a client. Color me embarrassed. After calling the client and diligently groveling and making amends, I thought I had my day straightened out. I spoke to soon. That evening I had to pick my dad up at the airport, a usual task as he travels a lot. So after tracking the flight, I headed to the airport. (Please note I just said after tracking the flight). I waited in the cell phone waiting area, finally the phone rings and I head to the terminal. We agreed to meet at the Arrivals area and off I went. After a few times around, I couldn’t find him and was starting to get worried. After a few frustrated phone calls we are desperately trying to locate each other. Naming sights we are seeing, trying to figure where each other are based on traffic flow. I was trying to be scientific, people, I was at the end of my rope. I am describing everything thing I pass , we are going over terminal numbers, and that is when I should have realized our terminal numbers didn’t match. But that isn’t what tipped me off, when my dad asked me what color the parking garage was, that is when it dawned on me, we weren’t talking about the same place. I scream at my dad, where are you?!?!?!?!, he replies in complete bafflement, in San Francisco. I start crying in sheer frustration, and yell, “Well I am in San Jose.” My poor dad, he is shocked that he has been yelled at and that he has a borderline hysterical daughter on the phone. After calming down, I ask him to go inside and wait, I will be there in an hour.

Now, its my fault, I was tracking the flight and some how my mind automatically corrected the arrival location because my dad had always flown in to San Jose. It was midnight before I made it home last night and I didn’t get to catch up on my sleep, my head is still bobbing up and down like I am on that boat and I am sporting a wicked tension headache. Tonight I will hide in my cave and catch up on sleep.

I Promise

When my head stops bobbing like I am on a boat, I promise to fill you all in on my weekend in Shasta.

But for now I am sitting here with my head between my hands, praying for the waves to stop.

Countdown To Hawaii

In 32 days Tiff and I will be,

Drinking Mai Tai's

Wearing Leis

Watching a sunset

Going to a luau

And a wedding
We will also be:

Snorkeling

At Turtletown

And visiting Lahaina

Then its over to:

Oahu

and

Waikiki


I can't wait!!!

Back to School

In an effort to break out of my rut, I have been researching going back to school. The degrees I am looking in to are limited. The reason being is that I know myself well enough – if I am not completed interested in what I am working on, I will become disinterested and not complete yet another task. I went online and looked for online colleges. My work schedule is pretty consistent and my work is my primary responsibility, I will have to resort to online. Here are the degrees I am looking in to:

A Bachelor of Science in History

A Bachelor of Science in Interior Design


Yes, one has nothing to do with the other. But both topics interest me. Having received information on both, I am a little scared. The interior design degree is a 4 year commitment for the degree. The history, I don’t have a lot of information on yet. However I was speaking with a client yesterday and they informed me that there is an interior design program at the local community college. I would be able to Certifications of Proficiencies in the following topics:

Interior Design
Green and Sustainable Design
Residential and Commercial Design
Kitchen and Bath Design

I can also follow up with additional courses to turn the Interior Design certificate in to an AA degree.

My quandary is do I go ahead with the community college, since its close and less money, get an idea to see if this is something I truly want to do…. Yes, it sounds like I have already made up my mind, but I do want your input. I am definitely intrigued in the interior design route.

Friday's Thoughts

I AM as Tiff calls me, a delightful contradiction. I like make-up and action movies, high heels and monster trucks.

I WANT to travel all over the world, accomplish my goals, and be a great friend and daughter.

I WISH I had my family back.

I HATE people who don't think before they speak.

I MISS carefree summer days.

I FEAR that I will never met someone that will love me as I am.

I HEAR cars driving by and the talk of weddings plans.

I WONDER if I will ever believe in myself.

I REGRET not taking enough risks before I was strapped down with responsibility.

I AM NOT a patient person and I can get very frustrated quickly.

I DANCE alone in my house.

I SING at the top of my lungs in my car.

I CRY at inappropriate moments and then get embarrassed and cry harder.

I AM NOT ALWAYS able to be your strength, sometimes I need you to be mine.

I MAKE rash decisions sometimes.

I WRITE but I am not very eloquent with my words.

I CONFUSE people when I talk to fast.

I NEED to get out of this rut I am in.

I SHOULD follow my dreams.

I START a million different projects.

I FINISH every day by lying awake in my bed worrying about things I have no control over.

Face of a Stranger

You know when someone looks the same way or close to it for so long that any change they make, you are looking at the face of a stranger. My father, for 27 years, my lifetime, has always had facial hair. Actually a mountain man beard. And about a year ago he shaved it in to a goatee. Can I tell you, it took me weeks to get use to no beard. But at least there was something there. Tonight was our usual dinner date and a man showed up on my doorstep that I didn’t recognize. My father had shaved off all of his facial hair. Now I realize that this may not seem like a big deal to most but to me, it shook me. With all the family drama that I have endured for the past two years. The separation of my family has taken it toll and now any slight change in looks or pattern bothers me. So much had changed for me that I cling to the tiny things that still or were the same. So when my dad showed up at my house sans beard and I didn’t know what to say. He saw that it shook me a little though I had known about the beardlessness before I had seen him. He didn’t look like my dad anymore, he looked like a stranger. He is still my dad, the only thing different was the lack of a beard but it felt like more. He just didn’t look like the man I grew up with.

Venti, Please

I am a coffee person, so much so that my local Starbucks knows my name and had a nickname for me, they call me Miz Liz, they even write on my coffee cup. They always had my order written before I made it to the cash register. With the quick on set of our fake summer my allergies flared and I was ( and still sort of am) Phlegm Girl ( sexy, huh? ). So I stopped my morning ritual of Starbucks since dairy and I weren’t getting along. Now that I am at the tail end and seem never endingly exhausted (allergy related) , I can’t deny my coffee. I need it, love it, can’t live without it. So off to the local Starbucks to I went. It was like walking back in to home complete with nagging person. Stu, the manager at this Starbucks has been the face to greet me all this time, so it was he who chastised me for even thinking of giving up coffee. I was interrogated about my absence and then chastised. Ah, it was like home.

Cloudy With a Chance of Feeling Sorry For Myself

My melancholy rolled in on the clouds that now cover the sky. The gray suits me perfectly. I can’t put my finger on the source of my melancholy. But I think it has to do with the fact that I feel like I am in a rut, one well traveled with no variation. I have a routine that I stick with and it is the problem, gym, work, home, bed, gym, work home bed. It is pounding inside my head, my own personal mantra. I am to blame though. In an effort to save for my vacation and in general I have made sacrifices. Little did I think I would sacrifice my state of mind.

Do you ever think that things were going to be different? That you aren’t where you thought you would be? I know I think about that in a vague way. I don’t think so much that I would be married by now and have kids, but I thought I would at least be dating someone. I went from dating quite frequently to not at all. I had made a conscious decision to take a hiatus, but truthfully I didn’t think that I wouldn’t be asked out during my hiatus. That’s a blow for the self esteem, you take yourself off the market only to find out that there really wasn’t a market for you. While everyone around you is in thriving relationships, you aren’t even getting a first date.

A large part is choice though. I could have settled for something I didn’t want. But that isn’t me – I can’t lie or be happy with mediocre. So I wait in my rut, going around and around. Jumping up every now and then to see what I am missing.

Prize Winner of Idiotville

For the past two weeks I have been having car trouble of the battery nature. The first time is was the day of Tiff’s birthday. Calling on the boss to come and save my ass and take me to work. I figured she would want me at work instead of waiting for Triple A. The second time was this morning after I had successfully gotten to the gym and back to get ready for work. All decked out for work I headed down to the car and turn the key....... and nothing. After my little angry dance (thankfully none of my neighbors are around to witness my gracefulness), I call my boss to rescue my ass again. At work I e-mail Super Dad, the fixer of my house and car. We run thru the typical scenarios did I leave the lights on, dome light on, the usual things a girl might forget to do. Super Dad picks me up from work, I feel like I am high school, to go home and sort out the details and find out the damage. I hop in the driver side and turn the key and nada, zilch, zip, zero... All the lights, radio, bell and whistles go on. So my Super Dad asks me to put the car in reverse, a little test if you will. I put the car in reverse and it immediately rolls back, I had parked up on the cement stopper. My Super Dad starts to grin and I look blankly at him. He turns to me and says, start the car now. It starts like a king, like nothing is wrong. The reason....parking on the cement stopper had caused me not to out the car completely in park and therefore a mechanism causes the car to not start. Seriously I feel like the biggest idiot, I couldn’t stop laughing. What an idiot! All because I rolled up on the cement bumper. All time girly idiot move

Birthday Suprises

For as long as I can remember Tiff has always given me the most thoughtful and creative gifts for my birthday. It seems to come effortlessly to her. I on the other hand feel like a lumbering oaf trying to figure out what I should get her, something to show that I can’t imagine my life without my BFF. As I am sure you have heard or experienced Tiff is somewhat of a culinary whiz, so I thought a cooking class would be just the thing for her. But here is the thing, I get so worked up that she may not like the gift, I bluntly ask (and this is every year) whether she would be interested in X. X this year was said cooking class. But being slightly ahead of the game (or so I thought) I asked Tiff early and only once. Then when I had decided on what class to take her to, I ask to reserve her for that day with no hint. Just a small list of criteria: close toed shoes, hair up, and comfy.

A few days before the cooking class, Tiff lets it slip that she thinks she knows what it is that we are doing. Knowing she is right, I ask her what she thinks it is. Side note- I am so not good at gift giving thing to the point that if the recipient asks me what I got them, I will tell them by accident. Example – a few years ago Tiff point blank asked me – in the middle of a completely unrelated conversation- what I got her for Xmas and without skipping a beat, I told her. But back to the story. She blurts out, “cooking class”. I proceed for the next few hours to tell Tiff what we are doing; of course it’s all a complete lie. But I had so much fun coming up with ideas of everything she would absolutely hate. Here is the list:

1) A reptile round up
2) Vin Diesel Fan club meeting
3) Glacier Climbing- equipped with private jet and the pilot was my sex slave so he wouldn’t be enticed to change flight plan.
4) Mime Interpretive Dance Troupe


I really stuck with the reptile round up and the hilarious part is, Tiff told her hypothetical boss what I was saying and his response, “ REALLY?!?!? The one in Sunnyvale?!?! With Reptile Wrestling?!?!” I could have hugged him within and inch of his life for that. I could imagine Tiff at her desk becoming paler by the minute. I couldn’t stop laughing at this. For all my joking I didn’t realize there was a local reptile round up.

Here is the conversation:

"you win
Boss says there actually is a reptile round up in Sunnyvale
:(
me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA
Tiffany: with reptile wrestling even am scared now
me: and you thought I was lying
Tiffany: not coming to pick you up
me: I signed you up for the wrestling
Tiffany: am staying home with wine
me: LMAO
you are not
ok I love Boss
LMAO
ooohhh heeheehee
seriously that is the funniest thing I have heard all day
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
i don't know if I can stop laughing
Tiffany: :(
me: I signed you up for the boa wrestling
you can beat em
Tiffany: LOL
yeah
keep it up miss no working car
me: teeeheee
Tiffany: Only someone with sons would know that
me: i know"


She was happy when we pulled up in front of Sur La Table and not a corral of creepy reptiles.

Dreaming

Apparently my subconscious is horny, v. horny. Should I include a TMI warning on this post? Nah. You will see why. For the past few weeks I have been having very vivid dreams, every night, a few different dreams every night and all centered on sex. While I don’t remember all of the dreams each night, I do remember at least one. And these dreams are pulling from what I watch or read before I go to bed. I can’t image why this is happening, is it the drastic change in weather. We went from winter to summer immediately, no spring. Temperatures have gone from the mid- sixties to the mid-eighties and practically overnight. Whatever it is the result is, sex dreams but not the fun fulfilling sex dreams. Case in point- Tuesday night I came home from dinner with mom and watched a little Sex and the City (the edited version, ie. No naked or sex scenes) then headed to bed. My dream that night was internal snippets of Sex and the City- like there was a TV set in my head, the unedited version. So strange. Last night I came home after having drinks with a wonderful friend of mine (HI Christine!!) , and took two simply sleep* and read a little before I went to sleep. The book is about a Scottish man and is time warp wife Claire. That isn’t want I dreamt about. I dreamt about a Scottish man living in my garage (I don’t have a garage). He didn’t even speak nor wore a kilt but in my dream he was Scottish. Don’t ask. The entire dream was about him and I trying to get it on and getting interrupted EVERY TIME! Whether it was because the front door was wide open, or someone was trying to get in after I locked the front door. Numerous attempts and numerous interruptions. The final interruption was my alarm which I seriously almost killed because damn it, I was at a good part in the dream and was rudely woken up!!! Here is what a dream dictionary says:
Sex
To dream about sex, refers to the psychological completion and the integration of contrasting aspects of the Self. You need to be more receptive and incorporate aspects of your dream sex partner into your own character. Alternatively and a more direct interpretation of the dream, may be your libido's way of telling you that it's been too long since you have had sex. It may indicate repressed sexual desires and your needs for physical and emotional love.
Should I be concerned that my libido is concerned about the lack of sex in my life??

* Because of the vivid dreams, I wake up feeling unrested. Therefore Simply Sleep is the answer but apparently it doesn't stop the vivid dreams.

TaaaaDaaaa

To Online Date Or Not.....That is The Question

Apparently I a missing out on a new-ish fad. Online dating. What use to be taboo is now cliche, everyone is meeting online these days. I tried it a few times with out much success, for the following reasons:

1) I am not good at describing myself at all.

Yes,I realize everyone says that but I truly think I can't describe myself. I always ask my friends to do it for me. Otherwise my personal description would read like this: "Walking Contradiction-loves heels and big trucks, action movies and make-up. Smart sometimes, tries to be funny. " See my point, absolute disaster.

2) I think I am more presentable in person.

Though I write this blog, its my form of therapy- I don't have to worry whether someone is going to like it or me. I am not sure that the stuff I write here would have me beating men off with a stick. The exact oppisite really, they would be concerned about becoming blog fodder. I am an expressive person and e-mailing is the form of media that doesn't shows that.

3)The result I had from prior tries makes me weary.

It was like The good, the bad and the ugly. And I think its in direct relation to items #1 and #2 above.


But it seems that despite my last foray into online dating, things have changed. Dr.Phil now presides over Match.com, giving us tips on how to date. Eharmony has a 29 dimension personalty test that claims to find us our true loves. Not to mention that other 9 million sites aimed at helping us find the right person.

What ever happened to meeting in the produce eisle, at a bar, or standing in line for coffee? Does everyone hide behind their computers so much that online dating has replaced meeting people the old fashion way?

Tell me your thoughts

Short Hair Forum Continued......

Over the weekend ( which I will blog about later) the girls and I watched ALOT of Sex and the City. Seasons 4-6 to be exact and with the short hair debate out on the table it was open for discussion. In season 6 Cynthia Nixon has the cutest hair and a decision was made that maybe I should cut my hair like this :


So the portfolio of hair cuts are being compiled to show my hairdresser. Cross your fingers for me!